Gender
My experience of gender doesn't align solely and completely with the gender that I was assigned when I was born. I use the term transgender to describe that experience.
My experience of gender doesn't fit solely and completely within either of Western culture's two gender boxes: man and woman. I use the term non-binary to describe that experience.
My experience of gender changes over time. I use the term genderfluid to describe that experience.
Sometimes my gender might lean more masculine (demimasculine), or more feminine (demifeminine), or might feel like both at once (bigender). Sometimes I don't really experience gender at all (agender). Sometimes I feel like I experience a gender that is neither masculine nor feminine (third gender). The movement of my experience through the spectrum of possible genders is similar to the experience of a train, occasionally stopping at a station but spending most of its time on the tracks between them.
Although I may use these labels to describe the general area that my gender is currently in, none of them will ever be an exact fit to my experience. That's okay! Gender labels exist to describe and communicate about the aspects of our experience that are shared by others, allowing us to build community around those shared experiences. Conversely, every individual has a unique experience of gender. Since every experience is unique, and labels exist to describe aspects of experiences shared by more than one person, it logically follows that no single label will ever perfectly describe a single person's experience. Labels are useful as communication tools, but they do not define our experiences.
Also important to note that my experience exists whether or not I choose to label it a certain way. Since labels are communication tools, the label I choose to describe my experience of gender will depend not just on the experience itself, but on the recipient of my words. The right tool must be selected for the right job. And sometimes the right way to communicate my experience of gender to someone else is to not do so at all. It is, after all, no one's business but my own.
Relationships
Relationship words are complicated too. While gender labels describe my experience, a relationship label describes me in the context of someone else. And relationship words are often tangled up in the genders of the people involved in them. And word choice also depends on the recipient and what will produce effective communication. The burden of accurate communication is shared by all participants.
So, since my partner identifies as a woman and my gender sometimes leans feminine and I usually talk to people who are at least somewhat queer-friendly, I might use the term lesbian to describe this relationship dynamic, a non-man interested in a non-man. For communicating with those that are more into labels, I might use trixic instead, describing a non-binary person who is into fem folks (not necessarily exclusively). Sometimes I might reach for neptunic, which holds on to the "into non-men" part but removes my gender from the label's definition. Because, let's be realistic, who I am attracted to isn't necessarily based on how I'm currently identifying gender-wise.
Sometimes I might lean more masculine in my experience of gender. Does that mean that sometimes I identify as straight? No. No it doesn't.
Additional Intersectionality
I also sometimes use the term autigender. I do not consider this a gender identity label the way that non-binary is, but rather a term that acknowledges that being Autistic is fundamental to the way that I experience my gender, and vice versa.
Pages that link here: